Growing up with three younger siblings in one house didn’t leave much room for being alone. I used to think only children missed out on so much without having siblings, but now I see a benefit I never thought about. Only children know what it’s like to be alone. They know how to be by themselves without the constant guilt of being selfish.

Going into college I didn’t understand how to handle this. I spent many nights crying out in prayer that Christ would show me my purpose here. It is so easy to lose sight of the hope we have in Christ and to get sucked into the emotional rollercoaster of life. Some would label this depression, I personally see it as part of life; humanity has no hope apart from Christ.

From the outside, all I seem to be doing here is following the motions of going to school to someday get a job. If that’s all I am living for, life is pretty pointless. You get into routine and life becomes utterly mundane. You show up to your 9-5 Monday through Friday, Wednesday is trash day, you cut the grass whenever your neighbors do (the epitome of adult peer pressure), and you show up to church on Sundays. Each week you repeat this cycle. It’s not hard when you’re busy, but it’s on those days off that it hits you like a train.

It’s those days when you’re completely alone that your soul aches for something beyond this world. Those moments when you have a second to breathe in a break from the chaos of life. The future looks so bleak and you feel like a waste of space. You disassociate by drowning yourself in a tv show, book, or social media (ideally you substitute that with prayer and scripture, but you’re not always perfect). The disassociation and stuffing of emotions only makes the aftermath that much worse, but you don’t care then because you know you don’t have the time to fall apart now. You have to keep up the act of having your life together until the weekend, until you graduate college, until you land that dream job, until you’re married with kids, until you’ve retired, until you’re dead. You keep shoving your emotions and pains farther and farther back until you feel nothing. The world can’t hurt you anymore when you have nothing left exposed.

It is these spiraling thoughts that flood your mind when you’re all alone. You cry out to God and hear a deafening silence. It’s not because He isn’t talking though. He’s already spoken. You know the truths He’s said, yet you can’t believe them. In these moments of utter weakness you just want to stop. You want it all to go away and you want Him to return. You beg Him to fill you with His purpose that you can’t even begin to understand. It is through Christ alone that you are able to stand. It is solely through His strength that you continue on. This strength isn’t anything you can comprehend but you know that He uses the weakest of us to work His will.

And oh how I am the weakest of the weak. I have no strength apart from Christ.

This constant battle isn’t one that goes away when you become a Christian. This is an ongoing battle that will haunt you until the end of your time on Earth. The difference now is that you are able to fight it. You know the truths of scripture, the truths of Christ. You know that He has already conquered death and that it has no hold. You have become a prisoner to Christ and have been released from the power of sin. You are now able to deny the sin nature within your being and you live for a greater purpose. Yes, life still feels utterly mundane when you get into the cycle of things, but you know the cycle will break one day. Your purpose isn’t to graduate college, get a job, or get married. Your purpose is to glorify Christ and enjoy him forever. We have an eternity outside of time to look forward to. Our earthly troubles are temporary in the span of eternity. It is hard to comprehend this when we are stuck on this earthly timeline, but we know we were created as eternal beings in the image of a perfect God. This is not our forever home; let us not live like it is.

Understand how utterly short your time here is and be filled with an urgency to use your given time well. Be filled with the strength of Christ and let the power of the gospel compel you. Do not live in fear of the powers of this world; it has no hold on you. Take up your cross and follow Him, your loving savior. Beg Him to fill you with His wisdom, for open eyes, for an understanding heart. Thank Him for His endless mercies that He shows you again and again as you fail daily. See your dire need for Him. Cry out to Him as your father and friend. See His holiness. Worship Him. Enjoy and marvel at the beauty of His wonderful creation. Love those around you as He first loved you.