The hardest part about college has not been my courses, projects, exams, or grades. The hardest part about college has been a continuation of the hardest part of life. We are relational beings created to be in relationship with other human beings. Since sin entered the world, life has been messy.

I lie to myself each day that I pretend that I don’t care about boys. Oh, how I wish I could believe that lie. Life was so much easier when boys were gross and all I needed in life was my family. I have this deep longing for family. Yes, I already have a family, but I want a family of my own. I want a husband who I can lean on for support. I am exhausted at facing this world alone. I understand that I do not need a man to live life, but that knowledge does not remove my natural desire to have that best friend to live life with. Yes, as a Christian I am not forced to go through life alone. I have the Holy Spirit inside of me, guiding me according to His will, but that reality does not negate my desire for human connection.

This topic is one I have struggled with for awhile now and have avoided putting to words. If I claim to be a Christian, how can I not be fully satisfied with Christ alone? Why do I have this desire for something more? Is it sinful to want to be in a relationship? Is it idolatry to love another person? How do you balance your love for God and your love for this person?

Who knows, maybe this is just my crazy overthinking brain trying to justify my childish desires for relationship. Regardless, I think as a Christian it can be easy to pile on all of this guilt when you are discontent when you are single. Some days a little voice whispers in my head that it is my fault that I am single. If only I was fully content in Christ, then maybe he’d allow me to find my person here. While, it is extremely important to recognize that Christ is the only one who will satisfy—and that he is all that we need—I do not believe that it is sinful to want to be in relationship with another human being. God quite obviously created us to be in relationship with other humans; it is not sinful to desire this. That being said, we have to be careful to not take things into our own hands. We have to rely on Him and His timing. With that, don’t just sit back and wait for God to act.

This applies to so much more than just relationships. It seems as if a lot of the church is at one extreme or the other. We are either working so hard to try to discover God’s plan (or more so to make our plan, God’s plan) or we are sitting on the sidelines watching our life pass by. Both of these lifestyles are terribly exhausting, depressingly fruitless, and completely wasteful. We are called to act, but we are also called to sit and listen. We must balance these two and live our lives in a way that glorifies God.

In light of relationships, marriage is a model of the relationship between Christ and the church. So desiring a perfect relationship here on this earth is something we all should strive for in our relationships. I realize Christ is the only one who will fully satisfy, but that doesn’t mean you should settle for less in your husband just because he’s human. Yes, he will disappoint. Yes, it will not be perfect unicorn and rainbows everyday, but overall, if you both are madly in love with Christ, that love will extend into your relationship and the lives you live for Christ.

Love is a word used today in a flippant manner. It is thrown around with a plethora of different definitions. God loves us sacrificially (agape). He gave up the life of his own son so that we could be saved. We did nothing to deserve this love. God is love. We were created to love God, but we were also commanded and created to love others as well.

Love becomes idolatry when we place anything above God. This can happen in relationships when you let another person’s happiness consume your life. This is not a godly relationship. A godly relationship is one that prioritizes God first and then the other person. Since God is love, love will flow out of you when you love God first. Now if you take God out of the equation, you lose the love and it becomes two people trying to make each other happy without an understanding of what love is. A relationship built upon the feelings of happiness instead of the joy found in Christ, will not last through the storms of life. Oh, how important it is to love God. It is the greatest commandment for a reason.

I’m sure I could flesh out my thinking more on this, but for now, I will close with this:

“Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.” -1 John 4:8-12

(Little did I know when writing this post back in January that God was working on something much greater than what I could see at the time. God’s plan is so much better than what we could ever imagine. Take heart in knowing that you are not in control. The little kid’s song “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands” could not ring more true. Thanks be to God, who is in complete control. He is so much greater than me. To God be all the glory forever and ever.)